It's · a · Process...

I couldn't help but try to investigate the scene to see if I could determine what happened. There were cars near by but none seemed to be near the debris.

I surmised that he had been bound in a trunk and and escaped...but when falling was gravely injured.

May he rest peacefully now that he has been freed.

So I have been writing and learing about forgiveness...did not realize why...just have...

A friend of mine asked me last week if it was because I was supposed to forgive someone...I said I didn't think so, but again, what do I know...9 out of 10 times there is something that God is telling me to do and I just don't see it clearly until it is right in my face...

Last week was really good, I was able to see God working in the lives of many people...but alas a cloud of sorrow began forming over my heart again...This has been coming and going for some time now and last night it hit me full force...

I had been talking with one of my friends and she said that I sounded so sad...I thought what reason would I have to be sad?  So many great things are happening in my life...then it hit me as we were talking...

I'm not good enough...why would I ever be good enough...yes God has forgiven me for the things I have done but I have not truly forgiven myself...can I ever be the person God truly wants me to be...what will happen if I can't move past this...It hurts so much and I just want the pain and sorrow I feel to go away...it will destroy me if I let it...

God is putting so many wonderful opportunities in my life but I find myself wanting to run from them all...I don't want to run any longer but I can't stay where I am, I need to move forward...I need, oh heck, I don't know what I need, I never have...If I had known I probably would not be in the situation I am in right now...I wouldn't have made the choices I made...

I sit here crying out to God to take the pain away...but alas, I know that no matter how many times I ask that it will remain...it is something I need to work through and grow from, but how...I don't know...

My prayer is this...God pull me close to you, hold me, comfort me and protect me...I want to be forgiven, I want to be able to forgive myself...please help me to forgive me...and help me get through work without being a complete emotional wreck...please help me to understand your forgiveness and to embrace your joy and love...